Coming Out: Inclusivity for LGBTQIA + Neurodiversity

It’s been almost two years since I have written for this blog. The pandemic has challenged me, both in positive and negative ways. During this time, I have done lots of self reflection, moved from Illinois to Georgia, and to Florida. My professional work continues to evolve as I evolve, and as such, it was time to publicly write down a few spaces and places where I am supporting myself and other humans.

As our world becomes more inclusive, it is important to express my own support and personal journey on the spectrum that is gender, sexuality, and neurodiversity.

• Being gender fluid: While I still identify as female (she/they), I consider my gender expression one that is fluid and depends on how I feel and how I show up for myself and others. While I often don’t subscribe to feminine expressions, there are times where putting on makeup and a dress makes me feel really good. There are also times where dressing in a neutral way feels most comfortable.

• Being pansexual: In exploring my sexual identity, I have currently landed on pansexual as it is loosely defined as a person who is attracted to the whole person, regardless of their gender identity. I often need to get to know a person for awhile before really being attracted to them, and as such, my attraction grows based on who they are holistically. Other terms I could use for this: demisexual or sapiosexual.

• Being autistic: In recent months, I went through neuro-psychological testing in order to get a better handle on some of my consistent struggles with socialization and sensory issues. In so doing, I discovered I am on the autism spectrum, needing minimum supports. I will continue to share my journey through the lens of autism, and how my version of neurodiversity has helped me in my professional career. I pick up on things many people overlook, and this attention to detail has served my clients well.

I am still working out my implicit biases based on my privileges due to my race, education, socioeconomic status, and ability to pass as a cisgender person. I hope as I continue to love the diverse parts of myself, I will continue to learn how to be a better therapist to my clients who are exploring any version of themselves in safe, supportive environment.

If you are reading this, and would like further support navigating your gender, sexuality, or neurodiversity, please don’t hesitate to contact me, my application for services is here.

Perla and I say, “hello!” from the Emerald Coast of Florida.

Nervous System Health: For Ourselves, Our Families, and Our World

A few months ago, I had the privilege of presenting a webinar on nervous system health to a group of employees at Self Esteem Brands.

Being a wellness company, their mission is to have learning that supports their vision of helping their employees navigate the transitions we are all experiencing in today’s world.

Jessica Schneider, who spearheads the organization of this learning series, did an amazing job of moderating, and provided structure to the formatting for the topic to engage the participants.

In this recording, you will learn the basics of:

• The autonomic nervous system, along with the sympathetic and parasympathetic branches that help regulate our feelings of safety or danger,

• How Polyvagal Theory is a framework that helps us understand our nervous systems three-tiered response to stress,

• What is the vagus nerve, and how does it affect our gut and our overall nervous system health

• What is trauma, acute stress disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder in relation to nervous system health

• How to use cueing such as self-attunement to help regulate your own nervous system and teach your kids to do the same

• What other tools are available for us to stay regulated in a time where resources and movement can be limited.

If this webinar inspires you, please share it with your family and friends. If you have feedback or questions for me, I’d love to hear about it! Send me an email or contact me via my online application if you’re interested in working with me.

Video Credit: Self Esteem Brands, Inc.
Presentation: All images and theories are given credit

For more info: Send me a message or contact me via my online application!

Acute and Chronic Stress during COVID-19: An Interview

Last week I had the wonderful opportunity to speak to Christa Rymal, founder of The Point Retreats in northern Minnesota. Christa’s background in nursing and healthcare administration immediately sprung into action with starting a “Facts and Feedback from Frontline Healthcare Professionals.”

My interview focuses on the signs and symptoms of acute and chronic stress during our global pandemic, along with discussing how we can help each other together through this unusual time. Please watch, listen, and share with your loved ones. Enjoy!

We asked Chronic Stress expert and Trauma|PTSD Therapist Amy Pico, for help understanding the unhealthy feelings popping up as we're social distancing, how t...

Quarantine Hacks: Giving

Last Friday, before our statewide “shelter in place,” I attended my own therapy session. Sitting in my car, a man approached my door. After instructing him to stay a few feet away from my window, I rolled it down and we began to chat. 💴

He asked for some money for some food. I gave him $5, and we began to talk about the virus. He gave me his theories, while telling me a story of when the power was out over several states and he and some friends drove down to where there was power and light. 💰

After I told him I had to go inside, he thanked me, and I wished him well. I would love to say that this is something I did before all of “this.” That would be a lie. My kindness had more limits before the virus. I’m noticing now that it’s expanding to encompass the needs presented before me. 💵

I am in a position of extreme privilege where I have an education and career that allows me to continue to make money during this global pandemic. Therefore, my last quarantine hack comes from a place where I have the capacity to give, where I know many are physically, financially, and emotionally tapped out. This is my disclaimer.

Quarantine Hack 5: Giving

Giving doesn’t have to be monetary. Many of my clients have huge hearts and have asked “What do I do about all the people in need?” Here’s a few ideas:

1. Looking for the natural opportunities: while donating is wonderful and worthwhile, it can sometimes feel impersonal. Looking for natural ways to give, like getting groceries delivered for a family member, or calling your elderly family who are more shut in.

2. Taking extra care: I’m enjoying the opportunity to mail things to others and including a nice handwritten note. Giving can simply be sending a card and writing an update about your life. I find this mode of communication so heartfelt. 

3. Time: how many of us have more time? How about giving some of ti to others? As we warm up for spring, who needs help with their yard? What can I give myself in way of quiet time or time just sitting under a tree?

Remember I still have CO-PAY FRIDAY in effect as a way to give back. 30-minute sessions for the price of a copay. Please email me or share with friends who you think are in need. Perhaps even gift someone a session? 

Quarantine Hacks: Laughter

Today was filled with meetings and client calls. I am feeling the collective tension of our joint isolation. I am also choosing to laugh.

Does this make you laugh? I hope so!!

Laughter is medicine, they say. Laughter heals, they say. And yet…I don’t remember having much of a sense of humor as a child. My younger sister was the clown of the family. My humor began to develop as a form of self-deprecation along with a hint of macabre. Definitely NSFW material as I’ve gotten older. 

Our sense of humor is great and diverse. Humor in the States is different than other countries. It is cultural, regional, and local. How can we use this universal emotion for our good during these times of uncertainty? 

1. Rely on familiar: What gives you a good belly laugh? What stand up comic gets you going every time? What meme account is your go-to for a good chuckle? Watch, visit, or listen to these sources regularly. 

2. Let yourself go all out: With so many of us in isolation, now is the time to let yourself laugh at the things that may make others cringe. With our senses being on high alert, being able to have freedom to laugh at our own humor style can be relieving and refreshing. 

3. Find the commonality in a laugh: I am learning to laugh at myself and the more universal ways we can connect. Watching my cousin’s baby feed himself yogurt? Funny and adorable. Seeing how my dog throws me her toy for fetch? Funny. Seeing myself trip on an imaginary bump on my floor? Priceless. 

When we use laughter as a healthy outlet, we can see the benefits of release. Laughing reduces tensions, massages our organs (ala Tiffany Haddish), and we can learn to reset from these moments of levity. Let’s all continue to laugh friends. We all need it, even in the midst of suffering, sadness, and confusion. 

Quarantine Hacks: Quality Connections

Me and my girlfriends having our “wine night” via Zoom last week :)

What have your connections been like with others since the virus/quarantine? If you’re like me, they have ranged from weird, amazing, uplifting, stressful, tense, and all over the place. We may not be able to control how our loved ones are responding, but we can focus on giving ourselves the best chance of feeling better when we do connect. The third quarantine hack is learning how to utilize and have the best quality connections. 

Quarantine Hack #3: Quality Connection

As a result of hiring a therapist turned business coach almost six years ago, I learned what it would take to transition my business to online coaching. During this time, I began to meet like-minded women who were also looking to live a different way.  I began to see what it was like to develop a “tribe” (I don’t particularly like this word, but it gets the point across). 

As the years passed, I attended retreats with some of these women. I took other online classes, and went on more retreats to connect with people all over the world who wanted their lives to be a natural way to generate heart-centered business. In meeting and making friends with so many people through this exploration, my connections span the globe. 

During this uncertain time, I see this momentum of connecting through online spaces gaining even further traction. In finding so many friends through online spaces of learning, here is what I have gained from the value of connection: 

1. Connections don’t have to be organic: Most of the people I would consider friends now, are ones I have met through an online program.  I still have friends in my town, but I value the diversity of my support as a result of moving in online spaces for like-minded connection. 

2. Connections don’t have to be frequent: Being a hard-core introvert, I don’t need constant contact with people to feel fulfilled. In fact, having connections in the online world means I can pick up a conversation with someone I haven’t talked to in years. I can also send a brief message to someone, knowing that we speak the same “language,” and don’t need to have a long conversation. 

3. Connections don’t have to be stressful:  The biggest lesson I have learned in developing connections through like-minded interests is this: the quality of the connection/conversation is much more important that the amount. Having just one quality connection on a regular basis is water to my soul.  If I do find myself in a stressful conversation, I can enact my ability to extend compassion or exert boundaries when needed.

How are you connecting or reconnecting with others? We are being asked to reach out in different ways, and I hope you are enjoying having FaceTime, Zoom, or phone conversations with old and new friends alike! Stay connected, friends. It is what will keep us sane and grounded.